There Goes a Year
We made it! Year One down. And man, did we celebrate! (I've been eating cake and cupcakes for a week straight).
As I think back over this last year, I've treid to imagine (cough, cough, "remember") what I was going through at each stage. This exercise was much harder than I thought it'd be (those damn Fish Oil pills aren't doing jack squat!). Here are the highlights I was able to dust off.
Labor: That word says it all
I have never been so scared of something in my life. The idea of "labor" gave me anxiety. As my due date got closer (another) friend described it as "waiting for someone to jump out and scare you," because that's exactly what you're doing… waiting, terrified, for the "ball to drop." But when labor actually started, I was strangely super excited! I never thought that'd be the case. When my water broke at 2:50 am, I found I was downright giddy. That adrenaline was PUMPING!! And don't hate me, but my labor was quick. To be honest, I was sort of disappointed it didn't last longer. I had made it out in my head to be this long, drawn-out experience, but everything happened so fast. I only got ONE nap in after I got my epidural. I was ready for another nap, but Ailish was calling the shots, and she was ready to make her debut. I remember thinking after she was born "I'd do that again," but I think that was the drugs talking.
Month One: When you're going through Hell, keep going
This first month is what we had prepared for. Our friends told us it was hell, but I failed to recognize what "hell" actually meant. It meant, we were NOT prepared. Like we never even opened the book to study for the test! In all realization though, there was no way we could have prepared (unless we used torture tactics forbidden by the Geneva convention as preparation). Pure exhaustion, utter confusion, constant doubt and then more confusion and exhaustion.
"Please stop crying. God, please make her stop crying!" "Just go to sleep!!!" "Oh, thank god she's a sleep" "If that dog makes a peep, I'm gonna put my foot right up her ass!"
And then there are the hormones. Those are a real bitch. I usually run cold (sweatshirts when it’s 80 degrees) on a daily basis, but post-partum cold is a whole other ball game. Waking up every 2-hours with teeth-chattering shivers and a sweat soaked shirt was a new experience. It reminded me of the flu. Trying to take a shower was the worst because it was NEVER hot enough. Again, more chattering teeth. Finding warm clothes that I could sleep in and that were easy to breastfeed in at 2 am, were impossible to find. I didn't think it was ever going to get better! But then slowly, ever so slowly, my hormones did eventually start to even out a bit. Finally, the shivering subsided, and I felt like I could laugh again. The Huz said he could see the shift of my overall attitude by the end of the first month. (Ha! Brave man for saying such things!)
Month Two: Glorious Sleep
The first time Ailish slept more than three-hours, we promptly awoke in pure panic. You have no idea where you are or what time it is. You zombie around the room, looking for some kind of direction. Then we realized -- the baby ISN'T crying! Why not? Where is she? Is she still breathing? It was like a catastrophe had happened, but we couldn't figure out what that catastrophe was.
After jumping out of bed, dazed and confused, I found her sleeping peacefully in her pack n' play inches from where I was laying. Right where I had left her, obviously. But is she's sleeping? How? Why? I'm so confused! Ever so carefully, I lower my finger in front of her nose. (God, don't let me bump her!) Warm breath… whew. Retreat slowly!
As I return to my warm, cozy bed, I ponder the fact that the baby is STILL SLEEPING! WTH?!? What is happening? Has she really just slept for 4-hours? Which means, I just slept for 4-glorious-hours. I feel so refreshed! And now with the adrenaline pumping through my veins, I can't fall back to sleep…oh, wait… zzzzzz.
At the end of our second month, I got brave and tried on some of my old jeans. That was a mistake. Should I be surprised that they don't fit? I know I'm eating like, ALL the time, but I'm constantly STARVING because this adorable vampire baby is sucking me dry. But I thought for sure I was losing the baby weight. Sad face as I shove all my pants back into the closet where I won't have to look them in the eye.
But wait, was that a smile? Holy schnikey, SHE SMILED At ME! Ailish smiled at me!!! Then my heart melted onto the floor, and I completely forget about my pants not fitting.
Month Three, Four and Five: have all melded together
There was lots of screaming tummy time, anticipating rolling over, the excitement of sitting up, then the stress of transitioning from the swaddle to the awesome zippy (IS SHE STILL GOING TO SLEEP?!) and then the BIG move into her own room because I could no longer flutter an eyelid without waking her up. And I can't forget the short-lived cloth diaper phase. That happened somewhere in there as well, but this is all a blur.
Within this time frame I still never gave up hope of finally fitting back into my jeans. Try, try, try again. I dusted off the ol' jeans again and again UNTIL… OMG, I got ONE pair to FINALLY button!!! I was only able to wear that said pair for 3-hours (as long as I didn't sit down) but it was a SUPER rad, confidence-building 3-hour window.
…then somehow (really, Sara? Somehow? I probably ate something), they no longer fit again. Back to my trusty yogas.
Month Six: It's all about the boobs
We made it! We successfully breastfeed for 6-whole-months! And goodness gracious I'm exhausted. I also started back to work at this time, so my milk supply dropped big time. We kept at it but honestly, increasing Ailish's formula intake did help to beef up our skinny little monkey a bit.
My next thought after the relief and pride of making it 6-months of strictly breastfeeding was when can I stop pumping! I was still dragging my arse out of bed at 4 am every day to get as much magical milk out of me as possible, but the interrupted sleep was undoubtedly waning. Oh great, a clogged duct. Awesome! Guess this party isn't ending anytime soon.
There were a few other achievements this month that helps to soften all the blows. Solid (ish) foods, teeth, and when did she start doing the worm-roll? Lord, she's fast. She can cross a room in under a minute now.
Month Seven: Big things happening over here!
Not wasting any time, Ailish was on the move. Crawling, crawling, crawling. The dogs don't have a chance now. They've got to move and move quickly because she's coming for them.
The Huz was overjoyed with pride the morning Ailish spoke her first word. Apparently, it was "Dada," but since I wasn't there for it, I called BS. That was until she said it to me later that day. To which I obviously replied back to her, "MA-MA!"
Oh, fun, more teeth! How is she getting two-teeth at a time! Is that normal? And please stop biting me.
Month Eight: Wrap it up
We wrapped up breastfeeding and pumping. The new-found freedom I feel is incredible! A little sad, but no more 4 am wake-ups, no more staying up for that last pump of the night and NO MORE hand washing a ba-zillion pumping parts every day. I feel like I reconnected with my REM cycle. Oh, look, even more friggin' teeth! But, YAY, no more biting!
The little monkey has moved onto pulling herself up and standing all by her-big-girl-self. Now she finally has a vantage point over the pups, and she does like to use them as a stabilizer. They don't care for having those tiny little death-grip hands holding onto their backs, so they slowly slink away. But that's helped Ailish with her deep squat as they leave her high and dry. She can really control her downward momentum!
OK, awesome! A few pairs of pants now fit! Sweet, sweet success. But they still aren't THAT comfortable to wear. I keep telling myself it took 9-months to put the weight on, so it should take 9-months to get it off, right? I only have a month left to get it off! Crap!
Month Nine: Moving and choking
Look at her go! She's cruisin' and climbing like King Kong. She'll be walking by Christmas!
We started finger foods this month. But the real fun of finger foods is the panic you feel as your child learns about their gag reflex. I always thought she was choking. Time to sign up for infant CPR!
Month Ten: A magician never does a trick twice
Once again, I wasn't there to witness, so the validity of this is questionable. Ailish took her first real step. What I did witness was Aaron hooting and hollering from the living room "She walked! She walked!!" By the time I came sprinting into the room, she was on her ass. Like a magician, Ailish wouldn’t do her trick twice. Did she really take those steps? Questionable.
I thought I was being generous last month when I said she'd be walking by Christmas. She did not walk by Christmas. She's just taking her sweet time, really working on her deep, deep squat.
On another note though, she's nailing her baby sign language! She's got four in her repertoire now: All Done (throw your hands in the air), Please, kisses and bye-bye. #proudmama
Month Eleven: She is truckin’
OK, now she's WALKING, WALKING!! Legit, "I'm going to truck it across the room" walking. It just got real. But how did this happen so quickly and yet take so long from when I thought she was going to walk?
But that doesn't matter. Seeing Ailish's excitement and pride makes ME even more excited and proud of her. I am totally riding on her coattails of achievement right now. Which is crazy to do because I've been walking for years! But together we cheer and clap and laugh with enthusiasm for her BOSS steps.
As the end of the month crept closer, the harder it got for me to reflect on this past year. What happened? Why can't I remember anything? Am I deliberately not wanting to think about it, so I don't end up in a puddle of tears in the corner? Yes. Maybe. Probably. Stop looking at me Aaron; I'm not crying. Fine, I'm crying. But as her birth-day gets closer, I welcome all the feels. I love thinking about where we were a year ago, waiting for this bundle of spunk to jump out and scare us.
Month Twelve: Does this mean she’s a toddler now?
Cue the balloons. Cue the cake. Cue the tears! Then go right ahead and check YEAR ONE off the list!
I think this means we are no longer rookies or newlyweds or whatever other term there is for reaching this milestone. (Is there a term for no longer being "new" parents?) Ailish definitely celebrated in style. She now loves balloons, desperately wants to figure out how to blow out candles and though she still does not care for cake, she loves it when everyone sings to HER! (Can you say center of attention? …just like her Dad ;o)
Adding another milestone to the list, to my amazement, Ailish now loves to walk around while carrying huge objects! The bigger, the better. Nobody told me to look out for Hulk Ailish!
So, all in all, I'm still exhausted (and now sick…cause I hear that's going to happen ALL the time now) but THANKFULLY I fit back into my pants, and I think I'm ready to take on Year 2 with this girl, The Huz and the pups.
